Leading with Integrity: You Can’t Control Reactions—Only Your Actions

In the workplace, not every meeting ends with a round of applause or smiles around the table. Sometimes, decisions must be made that not everyone agrees with. And when that happens, disappointment is inevitable. And here's the truth: an organization cannot control an employee’s personal disappointment. What it can control is how it shows up—with consistency, clarity, and high integrity.

As one powerful quote  our CEO Jill Shroyer puts it:
“Others’ disappointment is not your responsibility… IF you operated in high integrity.”

This principle is especially relevant for leaders and HR teams navigating challenging conversations, delivering hard feedback, or rolling out decisions that aren’t universally popular. When you act with transparency, fairness, and integrity, you’ve upheld your side of the responsibility. The emotional responses of others—while valid—aren’t something you can manage or “fix.”

The Illusion of Control: Why You Can’t Manage Every Reaction

Leaders often walk away from tough meetings wondering:

• “Should I have softened the message more?”
  
  
• “What if this damages morale?”
  
  
• “How do we clean up the gossip that’s about to spread?”
  
  

These are understandable concerns. The concern is that they come from a desire to control what isn’t ultimately controllable: the internal narratives employees create, and the conversations they have behind closed doors.

The truth is, you can’t—and shouldn’t—try to manage every emotional ripple that follows a difficult meeting. You can only ensure the decision was made through a values-aligned process, with as much clarity and compassion as possible. That’s integrity. That’s leadership.

Integrity Over Approval

It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to please everyone in the workplace. Leadership isn’t about universal approval. It’s about accountability, consistency, and making decisions that align with the organization’s mission, vision, and values.

Operating with high integrity means:

• Communicating clearly and directly—even when the message is hard to hear
  
  
• Ensuring your decision-making process is fair and consistent
  
  
• Being transparent about the “why” behind decisions
  
  
• Listening respectfully, even when you disagree
  
  
• Avoiding retaliatory behavior or defensiveness when people push back
  
  

When you’ve done all of the above, you’ve fulfilled your responsibility as a leader or organizational representative. Whether or not the outcome is liked by every individual is no longer within your sphere of control.

What About Gossip After a Difficult Meeting?

One common post-meeting phenomenon is employee gossip. It might sound like:

• “Did you hear what she said in the meeting?”
  
  
• “That decision makes no sense.”
  
  
• “I bet there’s more to the story they’re not telling us.”
  
  

Understandably, leaders may feel tempted to clamp down on this kind of talk, either through heavy-handed policies or one-on-one interventions. Here’s the nuance: trying to eliminate gossip completely can backfire.

Overcorrecting can lead to:

• Accusations of micromanagement
  
  
• Further erosion of trust
  
  
• Heightened fear or silence in the workplace
  
  
• An “us vs. them” divide between leadership and staff
  
  

What You Can Do About Gossip

While you can’t control every side conversation, you can influence the culture around communication and feedback.

Here’s how:

• Model open dialogue. Make it clear that questions, pushback, and concerns are welcome—when brought forward constructively and directly.
  
  
• Create clear channels for feedback. If employees don’t feel heard through formal means, they’ll seek informal ones. Encourage team members to bring questions to their manager, HR, or leadership in a productive way.
  
  
• Avoid secrecy. The more transparent your processes are, the less room there is for speculation or mistrust.
  
  
• Reinforce values-based communication. Gossip thrives in environments where emotional responses are suppressed. Give employees the tools and language to express disagreement without drama.
  
  

High Integrity as the North Star

It’s natural to want your team to feel aligned, optimistic, and appreciated. And in the real world of business, there will be times when a decision leaves some employees disappointed. That does not automatically mean the organization did something wrong.

The goal is not to prevent all negative emotions—it’s to operate in a way that you can stand behind!

So, the next time you or your leadership team delivers a tough message, remember:

• You are responsible for how the message is delivered—not how it is received (because remember "Others disappointment isn't your responsibility...if you held yourself in high integrity!")
  
  
• You can lead with empathy and still stand firm in your decisions.
  
  
• You can’t eliminate disappointment or gossip - and you can build a culture where trust and integrity guide every conversation.
  
  

Want Support Navigating Difficult Conversations?

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