Want Better Buy-In? Ask a Question Instead of Giving Advice

In leadership and communication—whether in the workplace or at home—it’s tempting to jump in with advice or suggestions the moment we see a problem. We do it with the best of intentions: to help, to move things along, to get results. But often, there's a better approach—one that increases ownership, fosters collaboration, and generates lasting change.

Ask a Question Instead.

When we ask questions instead of giving direct advice, we create space for others to think critically, engage with the problem, and feel empowered to contribute to the solution. This shift may seem subtle, but the impact can be profound—especially when the goal is to gain buy-in.

Why Questions Create Better Buy-In

Buy-In (noun): The agreement to support a decision.

Achieving employee buy-in is more than just getting a nod of agreement—it’s about building commitment to action. Asking thoughtful questions fosters that commitment by:

• Encouraging participation and ownership
  
  
• Demonstrating respect for others’ ideas and perspectives
  
  
• Creating a collaborative environment rather than a directive one
  
  

When someone feels like they helped shape a decision, they’re much more likely to follow through with it.

A Practical Example: Reframing Advice as a Question

Let’s say you’re supporting a client (or a colleague) who is frustrated with coaching an employee. You might be tempted to say:

“I think if you coached this employee at a time of day when you feel most calm, it may go better than it has in the past and you’ll get better results.”

This is helpful, yes—but it puts you in the driver’s seat. You’ve offered a solution rather than inviting them to generate one. Instead, try this:

“What are your thoughts about adjusting the time of day you coach the employee? Do you think doing it when you feel calmer could lead to better results?”

Now, the idea is still there—but the person has to think it through, reflect, and either agree, disagree, or refine the idea. You’ve created space for their thinking and decision-making.

A Parenting Story That Illustrates the Same Concept

Many of the management strategies I teach in workplace training sessions can also show up in parenting. (And no—employees are not children. But human behavior and motivation are universal.)

Here’s a quick story that highlights the power of inviting ideas rather than dictating them.

When my kids were 6 and 8, we assigned them Saturday morning chores. Nothing over the top—just age-appropriate responsibilities before they could play or have screen time. But every Saturday brought groaning, stalling, and pushback.

After weeks of frustration, my husband and I called a family meeting. We didn’t scrap our expectations altogether—we believed chores were important—but we wanted to find a better way.

So, we asked:

“What ideas do you have for making chores work better?”

At first, their suggestions were silly: “No more chores!” “Only one a month!” But we didn’t dismiss them. We thanked them and reminded them that chores did need to happen. Eventually, they came up with a great idea: spread out the chores during the weekdays so weekends were chore-free.

Five years later, this system is still going strong. The kids get their chores done (most days) without resistance. Why? Because they were part of creating the solution.

Apply the Same Approach at Work

When something isn’t working with an employee—whether it's performance, communication, or a recurring issue—try this approach:

1. Identify the problem and invite a brainstorming session.
   Instead of calling a meeting to deliver a solution, invite collaboration. “I’ve noticed we keep running into the same roadblocks. I’d love to brainstorm ideas together.”
2. Ask open-ended questions.
   Rather than offering a recommendation, ask:

• “What do you think is contributing to this challenge?”
  
  
• “Have you noticed a time when this went more smoothly? What was different?”
  
  
• “What ideas do you have for trying a different approach?”
  
  

3. Visualize contributions.
   Use a whiteboard, sticky notes, or digital tools to capture and display ideas. This reinforces that everyone’s input matters and helps create a sense of shared purpose.

Brainstorming Builds Engagement

Research supports this. A 2022 Gallup report found that only 32% of U.S. employees are engaged at work, but engagement levels increase dramatically when employees feel their opinions count. Inviting them into problem-solving discussions—especially through brainstorming—shows that you value their input and believe in their ability to help drive change.

Whether you're a manager guiding a team or a parent guiding your kids, the principle is the same: People are more likely to follow through on a solution they helped create. Questions invite that ownership. And ownership leads to action.

Final Thought

Next time you’re tempted to give advice, pause and ask: Could I turn this into a question instead?

You may be surprised at the insight, creativity, and commitment that follows.

Will You Give It a Try?

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